I found this Norwegian film (dubbed into English) accidentally on YouTube. From a nerd perspective "Troll Hunter" is actually a really AWESOME movie.
I used to have the English dub of the film posted up here, but apparently it got removed from YouTube. Here is the trailer instead. [Update Jan. 2020: The trailer got removed from YouTube so I found a different version of the trailer.]
Update January 2020:
Good news... I found a new copy of the film on YouTube, with English subtitles.
It will probably be removed from YouTube eventually, but for now people can enjoy the whole film.
According to popular culture nerds don't know how to eat healthy...
Because if nerds knew how to eat healthy, then they'd possibly turn into jocks...?
I found this image online and it depicts "nerd food" as being largely carbohydrates - which is fattening and therefore nerds have high energy, but put on the weight easily. Ergo, most nerds who eat like this are likely very overweight.
Being a bit of a "health nerd" myself I eat quite a bit of healthy food, so to me this kind of stuff is largely a stereotype.
You may not know this but George Takei also starred in The Green Berets with mega-celebrity John Wayne (best known for his westerns).
And apparently there was a little love action going on... just kidding.
The following is The Original 36 Rules of the Internet
1. Do not talk about /b/
2. Do NOT talk about /b/
3. We are Anonymous.
4. Anonymous is legion.
5. Anonymous does not forgive, Anonymous does not forget.
6. Anonymous can be horrible, senseless, uncaring monster.
7. Anonymous is still able to deliver.
8. There are no real rules about posting.
9. There are no real rules about moderation either — enjoy your ban.
10. If you enjoy any rival sites — DON'T.
11. You must have pictures to prove your statement.
12. Lurk moar — it's never enough.
13. Nothing is Sacred.
14. Do not argue with a troll — it means that they win.
15. The more beautiful and pure a thing is, the more satisfying it is to corrupt it.
16. There are NO girls on the internet.
17. A cat is fine too.
18. One cat leads to another.
19. The more you hate it, the stronger it gets.
20. It is delicious cake. You must eat it.
21. It is delicious trap. You must hit it.
22. /b/ sucks today.
23. Cock goes in here.
24. You will never have sex.
25. ????
26. PROFIT!
27. It needs more Desu. No exceptions.
28. There will always be more fucked up shit than what you just saw.
29. You can not divide by zero (just because the calculator says so).
30. No real limits of any kind apply here — not even the sky
31. CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL.
32. EVEN WITH CRUISE CONTROL YOU STILL HAVE TO STEER.
33. Desu isn't funny. Seriously guys. It's worse than Chuck Norris jokes.
34. There is porn of it. No exceptions.
35. If no porn is found of it, it will be created.
36. No matter what it is, it is somebody's fetish. No exceptions.
I blame this latest bit of photoshop inspiration on the people who keep bringing cookies to our AD&D game every Friday. We should advertise for more players by saying FREE COOKIES!
In other news if any AD&D players in Toronto are looking for a game please email charlesmoffat@charlesmoffat.com if you are interested in playing in my Stone Age Dungeons and Dragons Campaign every Friday night.
You probably expect the list of best fantasy authors to be those brilliant authors that created the popular fantasy novels. And you would be absolutely correct. However this list is different.
What I've done is also take into account influence on the fantasy genre and storytelling skill. Thus this is not a list of who is the most popular. Its a list of the greats when it comes to the craft.
1. Robert E. Howard
Howard was the creator of Conan the Barbarian and by this also the Sword & Sorcery genre. Because of this, he has had enormous effect on the fantasy genre as many authors and directors were influenced by the character Conan and his story. Sadly, Robert E. Howard committed suicide aged only 30.
2. David Eddings
David Eddings is a great author, but he suffers from a flaw many authors do. They make it too easy for the hero. The stories are great, but the odds are always stacked in his heroes favour. Its not a challenge for the heroes to defeat their foes. You enjoy the great plots, the lovable characters... but eventually you feel disappointed because the hero doesn't really overcome any true trials.
3. Dave Duncan
David Eddings should take lessons from Dave Duncan. His characters get beaten up regularly. They suffer, often due to bad luck. Duncan's heroes eventually persevere however and the reader feels elated because everything comes to fruition in the climax and the baddies get their just desserts. His books are also exceptionally entertaining and quirky.
4. Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman
Creators of the extremely popular Dragonlance series. These two work better as a team than apart. Lovable characters, interesting plot twists, realistic and heroic deaths. They bring the world alive and keep you coming back for more.
5. Charles Moffat
Moffat's works include the Lilith Bloodstone Series, the Adventures of Wrathgar, and his Wulfric the Wanderer stories. His work encompasses Dark Fantasy, Heroic Fantasy, and Sword and Sorcery. What makes his work so special? Most of his works take place in the fictional kingdom of Korovia, with overlapping storyline, the same locations used in different book, and a multitude of reappearing characters.
Creator of the extremely popular Harry Potter series Rowling also has the problem of making it too easy for her heroes. She hands everything to Harry on a silver platter. Super powerful wand, invisibility cloak, the ability to fly on a broom really well... Its too much! Oh and allies to watch his back and they are always conveniently there or he is lucky. (Literally, a luck potion in the one book.) Her skill at writing however is impressive and the combined storyline of Harry Potter shows severe planning in advance so that all the details came together.
7. George R.R. Martin
Longwinded but brilliant. Martin has created a fresh, new fantasy world, written great stories and unbelievable writing skills. His Song of Ice & Fire is well on its way of becoming one of the greatest fantasy series ever and now a television series, called Games of Thrones, has been made of A Song of Ice & Fire. But please, someone make him write just a little bit faster! (* He really should stop editing his own works. He needs to hire an editor who can skip over the descriptions of food and clothing.)
8. J.R.R. Tolkien
Tolkien’s writing style may not the most accessible ever, although personally I do not dislike his elaborative style, but he is one of the greatest authors ever. The world and stories he created are fantastic and by writing The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings he simply is the most influential fantasy writer ever.
9. Steven Erikson
Contrary to Martin, Steven Erikson writes like the devil himself is on his heels. I do not know another writer who writes this intense on such an epic scale. He is close to finishing his fantastic Malazan Book of the Fallen series. Hopefully, Erikson has something in mind after this.
10. Terry Pratchett
What a laugh! His stories are brilliantly written and highly entertaining. Considered to be one of the greatest British novelists, sir Terry Pratchett has already written close to forty of his very humorous and highly acclaimed Discworld novels.
11. Stephen King
Definitely not an author of high fantasy like the authors in this list, but most of his books have fantasy elements, with The Dark Tower as best example. Stephen King simply is one of the greatest writers ever.
12. Raymond E. Feist
I would not go as far as qualifying him as a genius but Feist has written many, many fantasy books and several of his series are a must-read for fantasy fans with The Riftwar Saga as his best known series.. As his books introduced me to the fantasy genre, Feist has deserved his spot in this list.
13. Robert Jordan
May he rest in peace. Robert Jordan is the author of the highly acclaimed Wheel of Time series but has not been able to finalize the series before he died in 2007. I hope that Brandon Sanderson will honor him by writing a fitting end to the series.
14. Stephen R. Donaldson
His books are not an easy read but Donaldson writes very intense and his stories have great depth and loads of morality. Known for his Chronicles of Thomas Covenant (the unbeliever), his world and characters are seen by some as rivaling those of Tolkien’s.
15. Robin Hobb
Robin Hobb is a great storyteller and has proven to be very good in developing strong and believable characters in her books. Especially her Farseer and Liveship Traders series are therefore highly recommendable.
16. Ursula K. Le Guin
By writing the Earthsee series, and many other novels, Ursula K. Le Guin has had a large influence on the development of the fantasy genre during the 20th century. The series has been and still is very popular and a television mini-series was even made, loosely based on Earthsee. (I personally hate her because I think her storytelling borders on the childish and lame.)
17. Terry Goodkind
He is definitely not my personal favorite but Terry Goodkind’s Sword of Truth series is highly acclaimed and very popular. It even has been turned into the television series Legend of the Seeker but unfortunately the series has been canceled.
"The Relationship Agreement" is a reference to the TV show "The Big Bang Theory". If you haven't seen it the show focuses on 4 nerdy physicists and their sometimes-nerdy girlfriends. The Relationship Agreement itself is the contract the character Sheldon drew up after he and Amy became boyfriend and girlfriend. It consists of 31 pages and contains such things as:
Section four: "Booboos and ouchies", which states that Amy must help Sheldon when he has a small injury, like a splinter.
Section five: "Handholding", which states that "Handholding is only allowed under the following circumstances: A, either party is in danger of falling off of a cliff, precipice or ledge. B, either party is deserving of a hearty handshake after winning a nobel prize. C, moral support during flu shots."
HOWEVER, that relationship agreement is really the result of Sheldon's paranoia about personal touching, egomania and his difficulty to emotionally bond with others.
What is really needed is a relationship agreement for modern people (including nerds) which outlines how a couple should treat each other and various expectations of how an ideal relationship should work.
Thus I have created (for fun) the following 31 Section Relationship Agreement for the Modern Couple
Section One: Communication
Communication is highly encouraged, but each partner should always be aware that space and privacy is sometimes required in instances where one partner needs to work, is feeling creativity, needs to think and so forth. Partners should refrain from calling, texting or emailing constantly and should make an effort to give the other person space after the initial "honeymoon" part of the relationship is over.
Section Two: Hugging
Hugging shall occur whenever saying hello and goodbye, when one partner is feeling sad or depressed or in grief, or when a celebratory hug is expected.
Section Three: Kissing
Kissing should occur within the first two dates. After that it is a free-for-all, although sometimes kissing will be refrained during an illness or infection.
Section Four: Booboos and Ouchies
Each partner shall be responsible for helping the other when injured, sick or infected. Exceptions: Zombie infection means the other partner is responsible for decapitating the infected zombie. Other exceptions include alien metamorphosis, mutations which threaten the safety of mankind, becoming a vampire and demonic possession.
Section Five: Handholding
Handholding should occur whenever a couple is walking together outside, watching a scary or romantic movie, feeling romantic or cuddling. Handholding may also occur when one or both partners are feeling troubled or grieving.
Section Six: Sex
Sex should occur by the 3rd date, no later. Three dates = Sex. Afterwards sex should occur on an at least weekly basis, more often if a couple is a committed relationship and are living together. Variety and kink is up to the couple to discuss and decide.
Section Seven: Birth Control
There are three standard methods of birth control. Choose at least one. A. The Pill; B. Condoms; C. The male pulling out before he gets close. Contraceptive methods should be discussed and agreed upon before intercourse begins.
Section Eight: Having Children
Having children should be discussed and agreed upon by both partners before any deliberate efforts to have children is made. Once the decision to have children has been agreed upon ignore Section Seven.
Section Nine: Existing Children
If one or both of the partners already has a child or children both partners have the responsibility to: A. Treat the children with care and respect; B. Properly discipline their children for misbehaviour; C. Take steps to insure the child or children are happy with the relationship (this does not include bribery, but instead should include emotional bonding).
Section Ten: Moving In Together
If a couple has been together for 3 or more months and if both partners have been sleeping together routinely the subject of moving in together should be broached. If both partners agree they should proceed to either: A. Move into one of their existing homes; B. Find a new home and both move in to the new place.
Section Eleven: Household Chores
Dividing up household chores should be openly discussed and decided upon. Its best to make a list and a schedule. Once the agreement is made each partner is responsible for their own chores and also the manner in which they do it. The other partner should refrain from nagging or complaining about the quality or quantity of how well or how often the other partner achieves their chores. ie. Dishes do not have to be up to "Aunt Edna's Spotless Standards" and partners should smile and bear it when eating food that is slightly burnt or "doesn't taste spicy enough".
Section Twelve: Cleanliness
Clean up after yourself. If you made the mess, you clean it up. Exceptions: If in the list of household chores one partner has agreed to make supper if the other partner agreed to wash the dishes, then ignore this section.
Section Thirteen: Personal Hygiene
Each partner is responsible for bathing at least once per day, washing their hands before and after meals, and brushing their teeth after meals, before sex and before bedtime. Exceptions: Quickies or when personal hygiene products are unavailable.
Section Fourteen: Cheating
Cheating will not be tolerated. Cheating = The End of the Relationship. Fini. Final. Done and over. If you cheated, confess and end the relationship. On rare occasions the couple may decide to stay together because they truly love each other and it is more complicated than mere infidelity, but otherwise cheating is an instant relationship breaker.
Section Fifteen: Lies
Little lies are okay. Such as lying about not giving the other partner a surprise birthday party. Big lies that ruin the relationship will not be tolerated. ie. "What do you mean you lied about not still loving your ex and that you've been hanging out with them lately?"
Section Sixteen: Relationship Shenanigans
Playing mental mind games, two-timing, giving the Silent Treatment and other shenanigans are all signs that you are immature and not ready for a committed relationship. Little kids give the Silent Treatment. If you can't communicate openly and honestly then the relationship is over.
Section Seventeen: Discussing Marriage
Discussing marriage on a serious level should only occur AFTER the couple is living together or has been in a serious long term relationship for over 6 months. Mentioning marriage while discussing relationships or someone else's wedding doesn't count. A marriage discussion will consist of spontaneously bringing the topic up and directly the discuss the possibility of both partners getting "hooked up permanently".
Section Eighteen: Relationship Hiccups
Arguments happen. Get over them. Don't keep bringing old arguments up again and again. Once the initial argument is done, regardless of whether it ended with an agreement at least come to an understanding that the other person does NOT have to agree with you. Forgive. Forget. Move on.
Section Nineteen: Relationship Interference
If family members, friends, etc. are trying to interfere in your relationship ask yourself the following: Is your partner genuinely nice? Do they treat you well? Have they ever physically harmed you? Does your friend or family member concerned you are in an abusive relationship? If so, take their advice and leave. If however you are being treated well and have no suffered any physical violence then your relationship is fine and your friend / family member is just sticking their nose where it doesn't belong.
Section Twenty: Being Virtuous
Both partners agree to focus on being nice, humble, generous to each other (within reason), to not steal or lie from the other, to not abuse the relationship in any way, shape or form, to practice self-control, be diligent and steadfast to their partner, be loyal and patient, and to pursue honesty and respect for each other.
Section Twenty-One: Lust
The only lust in a loving relationship should be for each other.
Section Twenty-Two: Insults
Both partners agree to not insult each other deliberately. If they do they should apoligize for their insults. Unintentional insults should be easy to forgive. Intentional insults should be discussed and forgiven within a reasonable time frame (holding it over the other person is Relationship Shenanigans).
Section Twenty-Three: Domestic Abuse
If one partner physically abuses the other (or a child) the relationship is over. Done. Leave as soon as possible and call the police. Even if you don't press charges, at least get it recorded in case it ever happens again to you or someone else.
Section Twenty-Four: Showing you Care
When one partner does something nice or special for you then you should show appreciation. Hugs, kisses, thank you cards, quickies, doing something nice for them in return are all acceptable means of showing you care.
Section Twenty-Five: Addictions
If one partner has an addiction (to anything) which is threatening the health of the relationship then the other partner is obligated to express concern, discuss the problem and if necessary do an intervention by getting friends and family involved. Patience and diligence is required and the addicted partner needs to make a serious effort to combat their addiction. If the addiction reaches a point wherein the relationship is falling apart both partners should consider ending it immediately.
Section Twenty-Six: Long Distance Travel
If one of the partners is going to be traveling or living farther away for long periods of time a deliberate effort needs to made by both partners to keep the flow of communication going. Daily emails, regular phone calls, Skype and other ways are communicating are all available. Failure to do so can lead to mistrust, miscommunication and sour the relationship.
Section Twenty-Seven: Humour
Both partners agree to have a sense of humour and not go overboard with sarcasm. It is one thing to be sarcastic and another to be outright insulting, bitter and even bully the other person by going too far. Even the most patient people with a sense of humour cannot be expected to endure constant insults and put-downs.
Section Twenty-Eight: Marriage
Marriage should be no different than the relationship with one exception: You can't just call it quits on short notice. Even if you encounter difficulties you are expected to try and work through them. Exceptions to this are: Domestic violence, abuse, addictions, cheating and huge lies.
Section Twenty-Nine: Break Ups / Divorce
Whenever possible try to break up in person. Breaking up via the phone, email or even text message seems cowardly but sometimes it is the only way if the breaker feels extremely umcomfortable meeting and breaking up in person. In the case of divorce you MUST do this in person (possible with a lawyer or police present in the event you are worried about domestic violence).
Section Thirty: After the Break Up
Try to be civil to each other. Being bitter isn't going to make you happy. Forgive and forget. It may take you awhile to stop feeling bitter, but try to remember that the feeling will go away given time and the sooner it goes away the sooner you won't remember their middle name.
Section Thirty-One: Getting Back Together
Hey, it can happen, but don't count your chickens until they hatch. Ask them how they are doing. If they respond positively and ask about seeing you again / mention thinking about you lately that is your cue to ask them out. If they don't mention anything like that then they're just not interested.
