Nerd Bicycles

Quick! Think of a nerd on a bicycle. What should that look like?

If you envisioned something like the "accountant" on the right then you aren't thinking Nerdy enough.

No, what you should be thinking of is what type of Nerd is riding the bicycle and which of the following things they enjoy.

Star Wars

Star Trek

Game of Thrones

The Hobbit

Dune

Warhammer

Dungeons & Dragons 

Superheroes

Science Fiction

Engineering

Design

Math

Etc

And thus you end up with bicycles featuring Darth Vader or other characters from Star Wars.

Or even a bicycle decorated to look like a Speeder from Star Wars.

Or decorated to look like a starship from the newer Star Trek TV shows (Discovery, etc)

Or simply painted and the numbers added from the Enterprise. Fashion choices optional.

The point, essentially, is that true Nerds are going to decorate or modify their bicycles due to their Nerdish interests.

They're not going to decorate it so they look like the accountant way at the top.

They might also choose to invest time and energy (and money) into making their bicycle more engineered than normal. Eg. A solar powered bicycle?

Or maybe they completed a bicycle mechanic training course and they want to make something very artistic and sculptural? The type of person who designs their own custom bicycles.

The point I am trying to make is that there are many different kinds of Nerds, and this fact is reflected in the type of bicycles they would ride.

For example...

What would a Math Nerd want to ride?

Well, I present to you... The Pi Bike.

Seriously, there's no limit to what is out there and available for Nerds to create. As Nerds we are inherently creative people, whether we are copying what we see in movies, TV or comic books, or whether we are exploring topics such as engineering, design, math and more.

It is really just a matter of having the proper skills. And one place to get those skills would be to take a course at the Quadra Bike School with Smokey Dymny. Learn the skills, build your dream bicycle(s), maybe even make a YouTube channel dedicated to making nerd bicycles.

And then SELL those Nerd Bicycles for a tidy profit.

Who says Bicycle Mechanics cannot make money???

Why Star Wars Fanboys have blinders on, even when it comes to the Phantom Menace

I spent an hour today arguing with a Star Wars Fanboy who was under the delusion that George Lucas was a great storyteller and that Quinton Tarantino was not.

George Lucas... the maker of horrible but profitable films like The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith.

Quintin Tarantino... the maker of masterful storytelling films like Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Hateful Eight, Jackie Brown and more.

Clearly you can see which side of this argument I was on.

Now we should note that earlier in his career George Lucas did make some good films, back when he was more collaborative and less worried about maintaining his creative control. But later in his career he started to go downhill and started making films with horrible plots and his storytelling ability basically dropped off a cliff into a chasm of confusion and created lines like...

"I don't like sand."

And it created horrible characters like Jar Jar Binks.

George Lucas's lack of ability to create a cohesive story was basically being weighed down by his desire (greed) to have toy merchandising by introducing useless characters that were there just to sell toys to children... and bore no relevance to the plot.

Think back to Episode I, the Phantom Menace. Imagine how much better that film could be if they cut out Jar Jar from the plot completely.

And yet try explaining this to a Star Wars Fanboy... Oh boy...



So the whole argument began on Facebook when someone was talking about Star Wars VIII: The Last Jedi.

And I commented with the following:

I would compare Last Jedi to Kill Bill 2 in that a large part of the film was about Rey and Luke and their master/student relationship.

Interesting that in both films the SPOILER SPOILER and SPOILER SPOIL near the end of the film.

And then of course Luke does his Jedi Master thing and SPOILER before that, proving that he is still amazing.

To which a friend from high school responded:

I would not compare Last Jedi to Kill Bill 1 or 2 because both those movies were piles of Terentino crap and Star Wars is far better than anything from that director. Even the Ewok and prequel movies were better than Kill Bill. In my opinion.

 To which I posted the following GIF.

Because frankly that was so much nonsensical bullshit (and bad spelling) it deserved a GIF.

And he responded:

Kill Bill movies were terrible

 And I returned with another GIF...

 And he responded:

i would rather watch the star wars holiday special again than ever watch kill bill

 And so another GIF came out...

 And he goes:

I have not enjoyed a single Terrentino movie with the exception of Resivour Dogs. He is a hack that doesn't deserve the credit he gets.

maybe the holiday special was worse than kill bill but the prequels and ewok movies were definitely better than Kill Bill

 i will spell this out for you Quinton Terrentino is bad. Not Uwe Boll bad but definitely up there

i am going to stop this pointless arguement because we clearly have different views.

  
I followed with this GIF and the comment below:

No seriously, are you high? You misspelled both Tarantino and Reservoir. 

And argument.

 And then this argument went on for another hour (slightly more than that).

I tried to explain how good plots can be summarized in a single sentence and asked him to explain the plot of Phantom Menace in a single sentence.

Which he could not do. He eventually gave up and said the following:

you can't explain a star wars movie in one sentence because so much shit is going on. Unlike the shit that is Kill Bill. One Sentence. An unnamed woman goes on a revenge murder streak against her former lover and his friends after being left for dead.

You did it one sentence earlier for Episode IV. It is easy...

Luke and his friends rescue a princess, join a rebellion, and blow up a powerful spacestation that destroys planets.

I will do it again...

The Bride wakes up from a coma to find out her baby is gone and she goes on a revenge spree killing all the people she holds responsible.

Easy.

Proof that good films have easy to summarize plots.

And every time he realized he was in a losing argument he tried to claim he was stopping arguing, but kept coming back for more.

i am not continuing this conversation. As bad as the prequals were at least they weren't the equivalent of a fighting video game drawn out into two 2 hour movies like Kill Bill. At least when I play Street Fighter or mortal kombat the fights don't drag on for 20 minutes to a half hour each.


He tried that multiple times, but kept coming back.

i say again, I am stopping this argument. Sorry to everyone who has had to endure this.

I am not showing the full hour worth of messages he sent in which he kept trying to claim that Tarantino is horrible - never with any actual evidence - and kept sticking to his guns that Star Wars is always amazing and that George Lucas is a wonderful storyteller.

Okay so here is the problem with Star Wars.

It, like many other forms of good storytelling, is ripped off from other source material.

Here is an example.

Star Wars IV: A New Hope is just a rip off of The Hobbit.

Luke-Bilbo gets whisked away on an adventure by Gandalf-Obi-Wan and joins a group of miscreant dwarf-smugglers, and encounter space monster trolls/spiders/etc on the way. The get captured by imperial elf stormtroopers, having a daring escape and later Luke-Bard shoots the dragon-deathstar in the weak spot in its armour. The dragon-deathstar is destroyed, a lot of dwarf fighter pilots were killed, and Bilbo-Luke gets to ride on a Falcon-Eagle. He is showered with gold and medals.

The end.

See and now I just ruined that film for you forever. Maybe. Maybe not. It is still an awesome story.

 And that is just the way it is.

Some people point to the idea that there is a monomyth, that all stories are basically derivative of the whole good vs evil plot and that there are only so many versions of the good vs evil story. Episode IV is ripped off The Hobbit, samurai movies and a variety of other sources. In terms of detailed plot points, The Hobbit is closest to the actual plot.

Aha!

But that is what makes Quintin Tarantino films interesting. Instead of one plot they sometimes have multiple overlapping plots. Pulp Fiction and Hateful Eight are good examples of this.

And it takes a master storyteller to make overlapping plots like that work together as a cohesive unit.

George Lucas doesn't have the brain cells to even attempt such complexity... and yet... when asked to describe the plot of a Quintin Tarantino film, it is rather easy to do.

Pulp Fiction - Two hitmen working for a mobster have a series of misadventures, as does a boxer working for the mobster who ends up later rescuing him from rednecks.

Hateful Eight - Eight people, most of them strangers to each other and yet have reasons to hate each other, gather in a cabin during a storm where bloodshed ensues.

See? An accurate summary of the plots and yet anyone who has seen those films will know that they are far more complicated that what I just said.

So here is the thing...

Quintin Tarantino films do very well with critics and fans alike. Pretty much everyone likes them. My friend from highschool is clearly the exception to the rule.

But Star Wars films...

They are not that good typically.

Star Wars has had 3 horrible plot films out of a total of 9.

Episode I = BAD
Episode II = BAD
Episode III = BAD
Episode IV = GOOD, but ripped off from The Hobbit.
Episode V = GOOD
Episode VI = GOOD
Episode VII = GOOD**
Rogue One = Good*
Episode VIII = GOOD

So 3 out of the 9 films were bad. That is not a great batting average (yeah, using sports analogies when talking to nerds!)...

* Some people really don't like Rogue One, although I am okay with it. So if you consider it to be bad, then 4 out of 9 were bad.

** Some people also didn't like VII, but those people are clearly on crack.

But here is the things... those are not the only Star Wars films... if you included the 2 Ewok films and 1 Star Wars Xmas special... and unfortunately my friend from high school kept bringing those up, so I guess we should include them.

So if we include the 2 Ewok films + Xmas special then 6 or 7 out of the 12 films were bad. Depends whether you want to include those, but I guess you can blame my friend from high school who doesn't know when to not mention horrible films.

George Lucas himself hates the Christmas Special so much that he has gone out of his way to try and find and destroy every copy of it. Unfortunately with the internet it is now very easy to find.

Quintin Tarantino meanwhile has never been so embarrassed about one of his films that he has gone out of his way to actively destroy it.

Now if only George Lucas would realize his folly and destroy every copy of the Phantom Menace, etc.

Except there is one huge problem...

Star Wars Fanboys don't like to admit when they are wrong. They have blinders on when it comes to all things Star Wars.

Remember above when the Fanboy claimed that the Ewok films were better than Kill Bill...? Yep. He said that.

And the Ewok films were seriously bad... But don't take my word for it, let us look at some Rotten Tomato scores...

1984 - An Ewok Adventure = 25% on the Tomatometer. 44% of people Liked it.
1985 - The Battle for Endor = So bad that the Tomatometer is Not Available... 51% of people Liked it.
2003 - Kill Bill Volume 1 = 85% on the Tomatometer and 81% of people Liked it.
2004 - Kill Bill Volume 2 = 85% on the Tomatometer and 89% of people Liked it.

Clearly there is no contest between the films.

And yet you if you try to explain that or anything else to a Star Wars Fanboy you get anguished replies of denial...

Nerdcore Vs Nerdovore

On a regular basis, usually when on my cellphone or tablet, I google the word Nerdovore in order to find a specific page on Nerdovore.com so I can show a friend.

Unfortunately what google responds with is:

Did you mean: nerdcore

And that REALLY annoys me.

First of all, I didn't type in nerdcore. I typed in Nerdovore. There isn't a typo. And there is a O between the nerd and the vore. And while it may sound similar, it is clearly something different.

Nerdcore in case you are wondering is a nerd version of hip hop / rap in which singers make funny songs about Star Wars, roleplaying games, Japanese anime, Game of Thrones, and other nerdy pop culture topics. It is creative, that much is true, but it isn't really Nerd Culture at its best.

If anything, nerdcore is embarrassingly bad.

And I say bad because the people who do nerdcore are not known to get recording contracts or to be taken seriously within the music industry. As a genre they are marketing to a tiny audience of nerds who like hip hop / rap, AND who appreciate nerdcore.

Which most nerds do not. In fact, most nerds make fun of other nerds who enjoy nerdcore. It is that bad.

Often it isn't even original songs either. Sometimes it is just re-using melodies from pop culture songs and setting them to a hip hop beat, but hey there isn't a lot of original melodies these days anyway. Or in the case of Nerdcore Star Wars, it sometimes involves reusing Star Wars music.

And while they are at it, the same type of people who Nerdcore Star Wars are often the same kind of people who like episodes I, II and III of Star Wars...

Which is basically blasphemy.

So yeah not only am I annoyed that Nerdcore keeps coming up during Google searches, I have to put up with the annoyance that Nerdcore is horribly bad and attracts the kind of nerds who think Star Wars Episode I was a good movie.

BUT WAIT, THERE IS MORE...

There is also something called Nerdcore E Juice.

It is for people who are into electronic cigarettes / smoking "vapes".

Which I struggle to imagine the market they are aiming to sell to... Nerds who like smoking vapours? Really? That is a really niche market limited to a tiny audience!

And they chose the name Nerdcore as their brand name to sell it? As if that was a smart business choice.

I even found a review on YouTube of some loser trying out Nerdcore E Juice. Overweight bald guy with too much facial hair.

Yep.

So not only do I have to content with Nerdcore being horribly bad music (with equally bad fans), but also have to contend with idiots who like smoking vapes for some silly reason.

Oh and then there is the issue that Nerdcore musicians are typically white men in their 30s or 40s. A few Asians, but mostly white. Not a lot of women willing to embarrass themselves like that and apparently have better things to do with their creativity.

Idiots like this guy below. Enough said.

Nerd Bloggers Wanted

Hello!

Are you a nerd blogger who enjoys posting about all manner of nerd topics (possibly including food)?

You are?

We want you!

Leave your contact info in the comments section and we will add you to Nerdovore's list of bloggers, so you can post nerdy news, nerdy movie reviews, nerdy culinary dishes, basically anything related to the world of nerds.

Hero Forge Custom Miniature + Painting Miniatures

By Charles Moffat.

So I asked my girlfriend for a Hero Forge Custom Miniature for xmas. It arrived early and I am fortunate to live in a household where we celebrate xmas the whole month, so gift giving can happen any day. Hence why I received my gift on December 3rd - the day it arrived in the mail. It was not a surprise, I did design the miniature after all and ask for it.

Hero Forge makes miniatures using a 3D printer - and can make transparent plastic, strong plastic (which apparently only comes in white), and metal - and you can order the figurines in a variety of sizes, so you are not limited to the normal 1 inch base figurine.

Behold what I saw upon first opening the package.

And wow. That is a lot of packaging for one tiny miniature. (Note, you save on shipping costs if you buy multiple miniatures.)

Even the cat agrees that it is a lot of packaging, as she gleefully bites and plays with the box and bubble wrap. (I am going to be posting a video of her attacking the packaging later today on Victoria has Claws, our cat's youtube channel.)

Below, the front view of the miniature out of the packaging. His name is "Wrathgar", a character I designed circa 2003 and have been using, playing in Dungeons and Dragons, writing about for roughly 12 years now. eg. You can read one of Wrathgar's adventures / origin story in the book "The Adventures of Wrathgar: The Assassin's Trail". The character is Conan-esque, but Wrathgar favours the bow over sword and axe. His choice of clothing is also more unique, as not many people wear antlers on their helmet - which means it was also a challenge to find a company that has an antler helmet on their list of options.

And the back view of Wrathgar.

So I immediately had to begin the painting process. I got my box of paints, my roll of paintbrushes from studying painting for 5 years in university, lots of water to drink, something to watch while I paint, and a clean painting surface, and more water to wash paintbrushes in.

Before painting I washed the miniature in hot water to make sure there wasn't any residue leftover from the painting process. The manufacturer recommends washing the miniature before painting.

Below, the base coat of the miniature. Wrathgar is a very nature-loving character and tends to wear lots of brown, so "burnt umber" made a good base coat.

Additional layers saw me add black shading, titanium white for the antlers, and vandyke brown. For the face I used a mixture of jaune brilliant and naples yellow.

And here I used phthalo green blue shade for his arrow fletching.

The miniature is not done with the painting process. I still want to go back and do the following.

• Fine tune details on his face.
• Add white and blue for his eyes.
• Ivory colouration for the antlers, which should not be completely white.
• More shading around his armour.
• Gold hilt for his dagger.
• And other details I can think of later.

I was very pleased with Hero Forge and what I saw on their website - and yes their prices are pretty expensive, but it was totally worth. I have seen Wrathgar come to life before me in a miniature.

Note - If readers and their friends want to save on costs, I recommend ordering as a group in order to save on shipping costs.

Prior to this I was using a Dark Sun "Half Giant Psychic Warrior" as the miniature for Wrathgar, which was a good representation of Wrathgar's physique, but failed to point out that Wrathgar spends much of his time using his bow. So now I can use the half giant when he is using his sword, and my new miniature when he is using his bow - which is his preferred weapon of choice.

And for those people who are curious, Wrathgar is normally a ranger when I play pen + paper D&D. In DDO (Dungeons and Dragons Online) however Wrathgar has been both a ranger and a barbarian, operating on the DDO Argonnessen server under the names Wraethgar and Wrathggar,because apparently, somehow, Wrathgar was taken. Go figure.

For more information about my writing or the world of Korovia in which Wrathgar exists, check out either http://www.korovia.com/ or http://fiction.charlesmoffat.com/.

Happy gaming!

Priceless Price List for Graphic Design

If you are one of those creative nerds you spend a lot of time on a computer designing things for clients, the topic of client meddling will certainly have come up at least once in your brain or in conversation with a client or colleagues. You may not have called it "client meddling" but you might have used some expletives to describe the sheer annoyance of having to redo things again and again to make a picky client happy.

"I don't like this grey. It is too grey. Can you show me a different grey?"

"I changed my mind. I don't like the background. Can you redo it in blue and change everything so it matches the new blue?"

"Looks nice but can you go back and redesign everything from scratch so the layout is horizontal instead?"

And so on... it makes you want to throttle the client. The trick to getting around this is to explain to the client the amount of work that goes into every change - and that if they make repeated changes due to being picky then the designer should be charging an hourly rate and tracking the amount of time spent on every single change.

The price list below is a REAL price list posted by a graphic designer in the USA, partially serious and partially to illustrate to clients that client meddling = more time and more time = more money.