If Batman Had to Work a Day Job: The Dark Grease Knight

 (Because billionaire playboy philanthropists don’t exactly get unemployment cheques.)

 

The Fall of the Bruce Wayne's Bank Account

It finally happened. Bruce Wayne woke up one morning, checked his offshore accounts, and discovered that Wayne Enterprises had been bought out by LexCorp, then “restructured” into a tech startup that sells smart toasters. Alfred handed him the last cup of imported Earl Grey, sighed, and said, “I’m afraid, sir, we’re… broke.”

No more Batmobiles. No more jet-fueled Batwings. No more shark-repellent in gold-plated cans.

Just one man, one wrench, and a garage that still smells faintly of justice.

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Gotham Auto Repair & Detailing

Grand Re-Opening! Under New Management!
(Ask about our “Vigilante Discount Mondays!”)

The new sign outside the old Batcave reads:
“Wayne’s Auto Repair — We Fix Everything Except Your Parents’ Marriage.”

Bruce now works as “Bruce the Mechanic.” He wears a grease-stained jumpsuit, a mask (for “shop safety”), and a tool belt that looks suspiciously like his old utility belt.

When customers come in, he introduces himself with his new slogan:

“I’m Bruce… and I’m the man your car deserves.”

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The Challenges of the Day Shift

Being Gotham’s most famous ex-billionaire mechanic isn’t easy.

Problem #1: His Work Ethic Is Too Intense.
Bruce can’t change oil without performing a full tactical analysis of the vehicle’s “criminal potential.” A Prius gets a passing grade. A black Escalade? “Clearly used in a heist.”

Problem #2: He Can’t Stop Being Batman.
When a customer says, “There’s a rattle under the hood,” Bruce lowers his voice and replies,

“Do you bleed… 5W-30 or 10W-40?”

Problem #3: His Coworkers Don’t Know What to Make of Him.
Randy from accounting just wants to balance the books, but Bruce keeps vanishing mid-conversation. One minute he’s holding a torque wrench, the next he’s gone, leaving only the faint smell of brake fluid and brooding.

Problem #4: He Still Refuses to Use a Cell Phone.
When the garage phone rings, Bruce just glares at it until Alfred calls to say, “Sir, it’s a customer. You can answer it now.”

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The Customers

• Commissioner Gordon: Comes in every two weeks for a tune-up. Doesn’t pay. Just leaves an envelope with a lightbulb inside.

• Harvey Dent: Wants an estimate on two cars — one totaled, one spotless. Flips a coin to see which one gets fixed.

• Selina Kyle: Asks for her muffler replaced. Doesn’t mention that she stole the muffler from someone else’s car.

• The Joker: Keeps requesting “custom paint jobs” involving smiley faces. Bruce pretends not to recognize him and charges double.

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The Tools of His New Trade

Bruce has rebranded his gadgets for garage life:

Old Gadget	New Purpose
Batarang	Tire iron substitute
Grappling gun	Perfect for retrieving that one wrench that rolled under the lift
Smoke bombs	Used to hide tears when a customer complains about labor costs
Batcomputer	Now just a refurbished Dell running Windows 7
Batmobile	Still in use — as the garage’s courtesy shuttle