If Batman Had to Work a Day Job: The Dark Grease Knight

 (Because billionaire playboy philanthropists don’t exactly get unemployment cheques.)

 

The Fall of the Bruce Wayne's Bank Account

It finally happened. Bruce Wayne woke up one morning, checked his offshore accounts, and discovered that Wayne Enterprises had been bought out by LexCorp, then “restructured” into a tech startup that sells smart toasters. Alfred handed him the last cup of imported Earl Grey, sighed, and said, “I’m afraid, sir, we’re… broke.”

No more Batmobiles. No more jet-fueled Batwings. No more shark-repellent in gold-plated cans.

Just one man, one wrench, and a garage that still smells faintly of justice.

---

Gotham Auto Repair & Detailing

Grand Re-Opening! Under New Management!
(Ask about our “Vigilante Discount Mondays!”)

The new sign outside the old Batcave reads:
“Wayne’s Auto Repair — We Fix Everything Except Your Parents’ Marriage.”

Bruce now works as “Bruce the Mechanic.” He wears a grease-stained jumpsuit, a mask (for “shop safety”), and a tool belt that looks suspiciously like his old utility belt.

When customers come in, he introduces himself with his new slogan:

“I’m Bruce… and I’m the man your car deserves.”

---

The Challenges of the Day Shift

Being Gotham’s most famous ex-billionaire mechanic isn’t easy.

Problem #1: His Work Ethic Is Too Intense.
Bruce can’t change oil without performing a full tactical analysis of the vehicle’s “criminal potential.” A Prius gets a passing grade. A black Escalade? “Clearly used in a heist.”

Problem #2: He Can’t Stop Being Batman.
When a customer says, “There’s a rattle under the hood,” Bruce lowers his voice and replies,

“Do you bleed… 5W-30 or 10W-40?”

Problem #3: His Coworkers Don’t Know What to Make of Him.
Randy from accounting just wants to balance the books, but Bruce keeps vanishing mid-conversation. One minute he’s holding a torque wrench, the next he’s gone, leaving only the faint smell of brake fluid and brooding.

Problem #4: He Still Refuses to Use a Cell Phone.
When the garage phone rings, Bruce just glares at it until Alfred calls to say, “Sir, it’s a customer. You can answer it now.”

---

The Customers

• Commissioner Gordon: Comes in every two weeks for a tune-up. Doesn’t pay. Just leaves an envelope with a lightbulb inside.

• Harvey Dent: Wants an estimate on two cars — one totaled, one spotless. Flips a coin to see which one gets fixed.

• Selina Kyle: Asks for her muffler replaced. Doesn’t mention that she stole the muffler from someone else’s car.

• The Joker: Keeps requesting “custom paint jobs” involving smiley faces. Bruce pretends not to recognize him and charges double.

---

The Tools of His New Trade

Bruce has rebranded his gadgets for garage life:

Old Gadget	New Purpose
Batarang	Tire iron substitute
Grappling gun	Perfect for retrieving that one wrench that rolled under the lift
Smoke bombs	Used to hide tears when a customer complains about labor costs
Batcomputer	Now just a refurbished Dell running Windows 7
Batmobile	Still in use — as the garage’s courtesy shuttle

 

If Fictional Worlds Had Yelp Reviews

 (Because even magical kingdoms can’t escape bad customer service.)

 

1. MORDOR — ★

“Too many stairs. Too much lava. Zero handrails. Customer service nonexistent — had to walk myself the whole way to the volcano. Also, giant flaming eyeball won’t stop watching me while I sleep. Would not recommend unless you enjoy despair and mild heat stroke.”
— Frodo B.

Pros: Great views, excellent for cardio.
Cons: One does not simply… enjoy Mordor.

---

2. HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY — ★★★★

“Food is amazing, ghosts are friendly, but safety protocols are nonexistent. Nearly got eaten by a three-headed dog in week one. Also, 50% chance your professor is evil in disguise.”
— Hermione G.

Pros: Free housing, teleporting staircases, magic everywhere.
Cons: Basilisks, trolls, homicidal textbooks, unpaid house-elves.

Owner Response:

“We take student safety seriously. All future Dark Lords will be dealt with after final exams.” — Headmaster M.D.

---

3. WESTEROS — ★★

“Weather is nice until the zombies show up. Zero job security for nobles. Weddings are traumatizing.”
— Sansa S.

Pros: Gorgeous castles, dragons, ale.
Cons: Betrayal, plague, child kings.

Update: Dropped from ★★★ to ★★ after another invasion and surprise beheading.

---

4. NARNIA — ★★★

“Came through a wardrobe expecting adventure. Got frostbite and roped into a war with a talking lion. Also, time dilation is insane — missed 12 years of Netflix.”
— Lucy P.

Pros: Friendly beavers, great fur coat fashion.
Cons: Evil snow witch, limited Wi-Fi, occasional spontaneous prophecy.

---

5. GOTHAM CITY — ★

“Loud at night. Constant explosions. Billionaire vigilante keeps denting my car chasing clowns. Rent is too high for a city that’s always on fire.”
— Anonymous Commuter

Pros: None.
Cons: Literally everything.

Owner Response:

“Justice has no curfew.” — B. Wayne

---

6. RIVENDELL — ★★★★★

“Peaceful, beautiful, everyone sings for no reason. I came for one night, stayed for 200 years. Elrond’s hair game? Flawless.”
— Aragorn S.

Pros: Excellent ambiance, eternal youth.
Cons: Hard to leave. Like, literally impossible.

---

7. THE DEATH STAR — ★★

“Got a great deal on a timeshare, but the place exploded before checkout. Also, terrible air circulation. Long hallways with no exits. Staff mostly clones.”
— Wedge A.

Pros: Big open concept design, perfect for dramatic entrances.
Cons: One thermal exhaust port ruins everything.

---

8. NEVERLAND — ★★

“No taxes, no bedtime — great for kids! But pirates constantly shoot at you, and the mosquitoes are the size of small birds.”
— Wendy D.

Pros: Flying! Eternal youth! Mermaid lagoons!
Cons: Creepy immortal boy won’t stop following you around.

---

9. FORKS, WASHINGTON — ★★

“Rains constantly. Locals sparkle in sunlight for some reason. The high school cafeteria is 80% awkward staring.”
— Bella S.

Pros: Romantic vampires.
Cons: Romantic vampires.

---

10. MIDDLE-EARTH AIRLINES — ★

“No flights available. Apparently we have to walk to Mordor. Again.”
— Every Hobbit Ever

---

11. RACCOON CITY — Zero ★

“Checked in for a work trip. Everyone’s dead. Still got charged a cleaning fee.”
— Jill V.

Pros: None.
Cons: Zombies, evil megacorp, everything’s flammable.

---

12. THE SHIRE — ★★★★★

“Charming cottages, second breakfasts, zero drama. Only downside is occasional wizard dropping by to ruin everything.”
— Sam G.

Pros: Food, beer, fireworks, naps.
Cons: Adventure recruiters.

---

13. THE UNDERWORLD (GREEK EDITION) — ★★★

“Beautiful rivers, great ambiance, but the ferry system is terrible. No return policy. Staff are… skeletal.”
— Orpheus O.

Pros: Dramatic lighting, moody atmosphere.
Cons: Customer service literally ghosted me.

---

14. DISNEYLAND — ★★★★

“Honestly, this feels like every fictional world mashed together. Expensive but magical. I saw a duck wearing pants and no one questioned it.”
— Mickey M.

Pros: Churros. Music. Talking animals.
Cons: $12 water bottles.

 

Nerd Humor: The Art of Geeky Comedy

 

Laughter is universal, and nerds have found their own brand of humor that speaks to their unique interests and passions. Nerd humor, characterized by witty references, clever wordplay, and a deep knowledge of pop culture, has gained a devoted following. In this blog post, we will delve into the art of geeky comedy, exploring why nerds find certain jokes hilarious and how nerd humor has evolved into a distinct comedic style.

Embracing the Power of References:

Nerd humor thrives on references to beloved franchises, iconic characters, and niche subcultures. Whether it's quoting a memorable line from a sci-fi movie or making a clever pun related to a video game, nerds find joy in recognizing and appreciating these references. The shared knowledge and connection foster a sense of camaraderie among fellow geeks, creating an inclusive and intimate comedic experience.

Clever Wordplay and Puns:

Nerd humor often involves clever wordplay and puns that playfully manipulate language. Geeks love to twist words, make linguistic connections, and create double entendres related to their favorite topics. These witty plays on words not only showcase the nerd's linguistic prowess but also provide a source of amusement for those who appreciate the intricacies of language.

Intellectual and Smart Comedy:

Nerd humor tends to be intellectually stimulating, appealing to the analytical and curious nature of geeks. It often relies on clever observations, logical reasoning, and smart punchlines. Geeks appreciate comedy that challenges them intellectually, inviting them to engage their minds while enjoying a good laugh. Nerd humor celebrates the intersection of intelligence and humor, demonstrating that comedy can be both entertaining and thought-provoking.

Subverting Stereotypes and Embracing Self-Deprecation:

Nerd humor often involves subverting stereotypes and embracing self-deprecating jokes. Geeks playfully poke fun at themselves, acknowledging the quirks and idiosyncrasies associated with their interests. This self-awareness allows nerds to reclaim and embrace their geekiness, showcasing a level of confidence and pride in their unique identities.

Niche References and Inside Jokes:

Nerd humor thrives on niche references and inside jokes that are only understood by those deeply embedded in specific fandoms or communities. These references can be obscure and require a certain level of knowledge and familiarity with the subject matter. The satisfaction of getting these inside jokes creates a sense of belonging and camaraderie among nerds, as they share a secret language that only fellow enthusiasts understand.

The Evolution of Geeky Comedy in Mainstream Media:

In recent years, nerd humor has gained popularity and made its way into mainstream media. Television shows like "The Big Bang Theory" and "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" have incorporated geeky characters and nerd-centric jokes, introducing nerd humor to a wider audience. Online platforms, such as social media and YouTube, have also provided a space for nerds to showcase their comedic talents and share their brand of humor with the world.

The Impact of Internet Culture:

Internet culture has played a significant role in shaping nerd humor. Memes, GIFs, and viral videos have become a breeding ground for geeky comedy, allowing nerds to create and share content that resonates with their fellow enthusiasts. The internet has provided a platform for nerds to connect, collaborate, and collectively contribute to the evolution of nerd humor.

Conclusion:

Nerd humor is a celebration of geek culture, combining clever wordplay, references, intellectual comedy, and a healthy dose of self-awareness. It embraces the unique interests and passions of nerds, creating a comedic language that resonates with those who share a deep knowledge and appreciation for pop culture. Nerd humor has evolved into a distinct comedic style that not only brings laughter but also fosters a sense of community and belonging within the world of geekdom. So, embrace your inner nerd and let the geeky laughter commence!

Writers: Conviction Vs Experience

I found this amusing.

Mostly because it is true of many writers I have met, especially young writers. Most of them I find give up at Steps 3 or 4.

Why Star Wars Fanboys have blinders on, even when it comes to the Phantom Menace

I spent an hour today arguing with a Star Wars Fanboy who was under the delusion that George Lucas was a great storyteller and that Quinton Tarantino was not.

George Lucas... the maker of horrible but profitable films like The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith.

Quintin Tarantino... the maker of masterful storytelling films like Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Hateful Eight, Jackie Brown and more.

Clearly you can see which side of this argument I was on.

Now we should note that earlier in his career George Lucas did make some good films, back when he was more collaborative and less worried about maintaining his creative control. But later in his career he started to go downhill and started making films with horrible plots and his storytelling ability basically dropped off a cliff into a chasm of confusion and created lines like...

"I don't like sand."

And it created horrible characters like Jar Jar Binks.

George Lucas's lack of ability to create a cohesive story was basically being weighed down by his desire (greed) to have toy merchandising by introducing useless characters that were there just to sell toys to children... and bore no relevance to the plot.

Think back to Episode I, the Phantom Menace. Imagine how much better that film could be if they cut out Jar Jar from the plot completely.

And yet try explaining this to a Star Wars Fanboy... Oh boy...



So the whole argument began on Facebook when someone was talking about Star Wars VIII: The Last Jedi.

And I commented with the following:

I would compare Last Jedi to Kill Bill 2 in that a large part of the film was about Rey and Luke and their master/student relationship.

Interesting that in both films the SPOILER SPOILER and SPOILER SPOIL near the end of the film.

And then of course Luke does his Jedi Master thing and SPOILER before that, proving that he is still amazing.

To which a friend from high school responded:

I would not compare Last Jedi to Kill Bill 1 or 2 because both those movies were piles of Terentino crap and Star Wars is far better than anything from that director. Even the Ewok and prequel movies were better than Kill Bill. In my opinion.

 To which I posted the following GIF.

Because frankly that was so much nonsensical bullshit (and bad spelling) it deserved a GIF.

And he responded:

Kill Bill movies were terrible

 And I returned with another GIF...

 And he responded:

i would rather watch the star wars holiday special again than ever watch kill bill

 And so another GIF came out...

 And he goes:

I have not enjoyed a single Terrentino movie with the exception of Resivour Dogs. He is a hack that doesn't deserve the credit he gets.

maybe the holiday special was worse than kill bill but the prequels and ewok movies were definitely better than Kill Bill

 i will spell this out for you Quinton Terrentino is bad. Not Uwe Boll bad but definitely up there

i am going to stop this pointless arguement because we clearly have different views.

  
I followed with this GIF and the comment below:

No seriously, are you high? You misspelled both Tarantino and Reservoir. 

And argument.

 And then this argument went on for another hour (slightly more than that).

I tried to explain how good plots can be summarized in a single sentence and asked him to explain the plot of Phantom Menace in a single sentence.

Which he could not do. He eventually gave up and said the following:

you can't explain a star wars movie in one sentence because so much shit is going on. Unlike the shit that is Kill Bill. One Sentence. An unnamed woman goes on a revenge murder streak against her former lover and his friends after being left for dead.

You did it one sentence earlier for Episode IV. It is easy...

Luke and his friends rescue a princess, join a rebellion, and blow up a powerful spacestation that destroys planets.

I will do it again...

The Bride wakes up from a coma to find out her baby is gone and she goes on a revenge spree killing all the people she holds responsible.

Easy.

Proof that good films have easy to summarize plots.

And every time he realized he was in a losing argument he tried to claim he was stopping arguing, but kept coming back for more.

i am not continuing this conversation. As bad as the prequals were at least they weren't the equivalent of a fighting video game drawn out into two 2 hour movies like Kill Bill. At least when I play Street Fighter or mortal kombat the fights don't drag on for 20 minutes to a half hour each.


He tried that multiple times, but kept coming back.

i say again, I am stopping this argument. Sorry to everyone who has had to endure this.

I am not showing the full hour worth of messages he sent in which he kept trying to claim that Tarantino is horrible - never with any actual evidence - and kept sticking to his guns that Star Wars is always amazing and that George Lucas is a wonderful storyteller.

Okay so here is the problem with Star Wars.

It, like many other forms of good storytelling, is ripped off from other source material.

Here is an example.

Star Wars IV: A New Hope is just a rip off of The Hobbit.

Luke-Bilbo gets whisked away on an adventure by Gandalf-Obi-Wan and joins a group of miscreant dwarf-smugglers, and encounter space monster trolls/spiders/etc on the way. The get captured by imperial elf stormtroopers, having a daring escape and later Luke-Bard shoots the dragon-deathstar in the weak spot in its armour. The dragon-deathstar is destroyed, a lot of dwarf fighter pilots were killed, and Bilbo-Luke gets to ride on a Falcon-Eagle. He is showered with gold and medals.

The end.

See and now I just ruined that film for you forever. Maybe. Maybe not. It is still an awesome story.

 And that is just the way it is.

Some people point to the idea that there is a monomyth, that all stories are basically derivative of the whole good vs evil plot and that there are only so many versions of the good vs evil story. Episode IV is ripped off The Hobbit, samurai movies and a variety of other sources. In terms of detailed plot points, The Hobbit is closest to the actual plot.

Aha!

But that is what makes Quintin Tarantino films interesting. Instead of one plot they sometimes have multiple overlapping plots. Pulp Fiction and Hateful Eight are good examples of this.

And it takes a master storyteller to make overlapping plots like that work together as a cohesive unit.

George Lucas doesn't have the brain cells to even attempt such complexity... and yet... when asked to describe the plot of a Quintin Tarantino film, it is rather easy to do.

Pulp Fiction - Two hitmen working for a mobster have a series of misadventures, as does a boxer working for the mobster who ends up later rescuing him from rednecks.

Hateful Eight - Eight people, most of them strangers to each other and yet have reasons to hate each other, gather in a cabin during a storm where bloodshed ensues.

See? An accurate summary of the plots and yet anyone who has seen those films will know that they are far more complicated that what I just said.

So here is the thing...

Quintin Tarantino films do very well with critics and fans alike. Pretty much everyone likes them. My friend from highschool is clearly the exception to the rule.

But Star Wars films...

They are not that good typically.

Star Wars has had 3 horrible plot films out of a total of 9.

Episode I = BAD
Episode II = BAD
Episode III = BAD
Episode IV = GOOD, but ripped off from The Hobbit.
Episode V = GOOD
Episode VI = GOOD
Episode VII = GOOD**
Rogue One = Good*
Episode VIII = GOOD

So 3 out of the 9 films were bad. That is not a great batting average (yeah, using sports analogies when talking to nerds!)...

* Some people really don't like Rogue One, although I am okay with it. So if you consider it to be bad, then 4 out of 9 were bad.

** Some people also didn't like VII, but those people are clearly on crack.

But here is the things... those are not the only Star Wars films... if you included the 2 Ewok films and 1 Star Wars Xmas special... and unfortunately my friend from high school kept bringing those up, so I guess we should include them.

So if we include the 2 Ewok films + Xmas special then 6 or 7 out of the 12 films were bad. Depends whether you want to include those, but I guess you can blame my friend from high school who doesn't know when to not mention horrible films.

George Lucas himself hates the Christmas Special so much that he has gone out of his way to try and find and destroy every copy of it. Unfortunately with the internet it is now very easy to find.

Quintin Tarantino meanwhile has never been so embarrassed about one of his films that he has gone out of his way to actively destroy it.

Now if only George Lucas would realize his folly and destroy every copy of the Phantom Menace, etc.

Except there is one huge problem...

Star Wars Fanboys don't like to admit when they are wrong. They have blinders on when it comes to all things Star Wars.

Remember above when the Fanboy claimed that the Ewok films were better than Kill Bill...? Yep. He said that.

And the Ewok films were seriously bad... But don't take my word for it, let us look at some Rotten Tomato scores...

1984 - An Ewok Adventure = 25% on the Tomatometer. 44% of people Liked it.
1985 - The Battle for Endor = So bad that the Tomatometer is Not Available... 51% of people Liked it.
2003 - Kill Bill Volume 1 = 85% on the Tomatometer and 81% of people Liked it.
2004 - Kill Bill Volume 2 = 85% on the Tomatometer and 89% of people Liked it.

Clearly there is no contest between the films.

And yet you if you try to explain that or anything else to a Star Wars Fanboy you get anguished replies of denial...

What it takes to get the D&D group together sometimes

What it takes to get the D&D group together sometimes...

 The stars need to align.

 You need to pray for nachos.

 Make a deal with the devil you know just so enough people show up.

However if it all comes together, you get to have a cold drink together.

 Preferably with a bar brawl.

Cast your spells faster please!

Have you ever noticed that players playing wizards in D&D seem to take forever to decide which spell to cast? It really slows the game down.

Wonder Woman schools a Dictator...

The above image of a dictator getting schooled by Wonder Woman reminds me of Donald Trump.

Trump, aka He Who Must Not Be Named, is basically a James Bond villain.

With nuclear weapons.

And brags about how super rich he is. Like Goldfinger and a host of other Bond villains. Only problem is Trump is real, and James Bond is fictional.

Trump also bears similarities to Voldermort (the villain from Harry Potter) with his obsession against Muslims and Mexicans - whereas in the Harry Potter franchise, Voldermort hates "mudbloods" and "muggles", but the comparison is apt.

Clearly Darth Trump is strong with the power of the Dark Side.

In Star Trek terms Trump is basically a Ferengi. And the USA just elected him Grand Nagus, with the power to commit genocide and nuclear war.

And last but not least...

Game of Thrones. In which Trump is basically like almost every villain you can think of.


Sadly Wonder Woman isn't around to school Donald Trump on why he is an horrible person and how we probably destroy the USA and the word "Trump" in the future will have a very different meaning.

Fool. Stupid. Racist. Worse than Hitler. That kind of thing. Trump will make Hitler look like an amateur.

Rogue Cleric Cat

Rogue Clerics are very versatile.

Xmas Gift Idea for D&D Player

I am very tempted to get this for my sister for xmas. This totally suits several of her D&D characters.

May the 4th be with you Jon Snow, Always

SPOILER ALERT!

Below you will find mixed phrases from Game of Thrones and Star Wars. Oh and memes having a play at both Star Wars and Game of Thrones.

"May the 4th be with you Jon Snow. Always."

"Jon Snow, I am your father!" - Rhaegar Targaryen.

"The Dark Side is coming."

"You know nothing about Star Wars Jon Snow."

“When 900 years old, you reach… Look as good, you will not.” - The Three Eyed Raven. Or Yoda. Whichever.

“The Lord of Light teaches us many things, including the pathway to many abilities some consider to be… Unnatural.”

"You don’t know how hard I found it, signing the order to terminate your life." - Joffrey.

"He’s holding a Valyrian steel sword!"

"I sense great fear in you, Arya Stark. You have hate… you have anger… and you use them."

 "Great, kid. Don’t get cocky." - The Hound to Arya Stark.

"Daenarys, you can destroy the Lannisters. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny. Join me, and together we can rule the Seven Kingdoms as husband and wife." - Khal Drogo.

"You can’t win, Olly. Strike me down, and I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."

"It's a trap!" - Catelyn Stark on the eve of the Red Wedding.

"Aren't you a little short for a Hand of the King?" - The Hound to Tyrion.

"Why you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking warg-herder!" -Ygritte.

"Mmm. Lost a queen, Jorah Mormont has. How embarrassing."

"The Three Eyed Raven’s not a raven, he’s a man!"

 "These aren’t the Starks you’re looking for..."

 "Traveling North of the Wall ain't like planting crops, bastard boy."

"If there's a bright side of the Lord of Light, you're on the side that it's farthest from."

"Fear is the path to the Lord of Darkness."

 "You were the chosen one! It was said that you would destroy the White Walkers, not get killed by Olly."

"At last we will reveal ourselves to the Starks. At last we will have revenge."

"I’ve been waiting for you, Randyll Tarly. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but a boy; now I am a man of the Night's Watch. Oh and a wizard." - Samwell to his father, Randyll Tarly.

"Now, young Jon Snow… you will die. For the Watch."

"I find your lack of faith disturbing." - The Red Woman to Ser Davos.

"Help me Littlefinger, you're my only hope." - Sansa Stark to Littlefinger.

"Rhaegar Targaryen. Rhaegar. Now that's a name I have not heard in a long time. A long time."

"You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought." - Illyrio Mopatis of Pentos, speaking to Tyrion.

"No. I am not your Father." - Eddard Stark to Jon Snow.

"The House of Black and White has taught you well."

"Oh my. Sea travel sound rather perilous. I can assure you they will never get me on one of those dreadful wooden horse things." - Khal Drogo.

"The Green Sight is strong with this one." - King of the White Walkers to Brandon Stark.

"Remember Jon Snow...the Lord of Light will be with you, always."

Dungeons and Dragons Memes featuring Willy Wonka

When you really want to make fun of something, nobody does it better than a Willy Wonka meme to show your level of sarcasm. Boromir memes just don't do it right.

5 Embarrassingly Fun Things to do to Characters during D&D Games

Want to have lots of laughs during a D&D game? Here is a quick guide of what to do.

#1. The Smell of Fear

Introduce a monster that has a powerful Fear Aura. eg. A Dread Wyvern, same stats as a regular wyvern but give it a fear aura and its tail produces a poison that causes people to run away in fear.

However when describing the fear effect when it happens use the following words "You sh*t your pants and run away!" or "You p*ss yourself and run away!"

Afterwards have the party encounter NPCs who mock them and joke about the smells coming off of them, saying things "You smell of fear stranger." or "Maybe your wet nurse forgot to change your diaper?" or "Wow, I guess cowards really do have yellow stains on their pants. Yellow and brown stains."

#2. Mushrooms and Diarrhea and Polymorphing

The party makes camp in the woods. Nearby is a patch of delicious looking mushrooms. Now if they choose to eat them any number of things could happen. The least of which is Diarrhea - which is both funny and embarrassing.

One of the things I did once to a group is that they developed a voracious appetite for eating mushrooms and began slowly polymorphing into giant mushrooms themselves. All it took was the initial bite and there was a feeling that the mushrooms were healing them. Several were severely injured and thus party began eating the mushrooms to heal their wounds faster. Fortunately not all of them were injured and those who were not noticed how their friends started to change colour, and started slowly transforming into mushrooms... They then burnt all the mushrooms and managed to save their friends. The good effect from that mini encounter was that the most injured people got some healing, but they suffered from the effects of a Slow spell for 12 hours until the shape-changing effect wore off.

I used the same mushrooms again years later, but instead made the mushrooms talkative and removed their healing properties. They still caused people to transform if you are the mushrooms, but there was less incentive to try eating them. That time was still funny as they had to carry the fighter away from the mushrooms and hold him down. He still suffered Slowness for many hours afterwards until it wore off.

Another time the party met a talking Oracle Mushroom which had developed interesting powers that it could imbue people who breathed in its spores. The spores would cause a random Divination spell on the person to last for 1d6+3 x 10 minutes. The effect could be Detect Evil, Detect Magic, Detect Undead, ESP, Clairaudience, or even Identify (allowing them to basically hold any item and identify its magical properties). The Oracle Mushroom was later killed by a shadow dragon, so it was really a one time thing.

Thus diarrhea doesn't sound so bad when you consider the number of benevolent / malevolent things that can be done with mushrooms.

#3. Food Poisoning

Okay, admittedly this is just dungeon dressing to tell you that the innkeeper is a horrible cook. But it can still be one more way to give your PCs diarrhea and let the hilarity ensue.

I recommend combining the diarrhea with a run in with the city guard and the guards putting the PCs in a separate cell at the far end of the cell block just so they don't have to smell them - which will coincidentally put them next to an old man who has been in jail a long time and can give them a new quest.

#4. Take Away their Clothes

Nothing says you got drunk last night and don't remember what you did when you wake up naked in a hut next to a NPC you don't know. The NPC might be attractive or ugly, it doesn't matter. I say roll 3d6 and make it a surprise.

If the whole party wakes up like this they made need to go on an adventure to get their stuff back, or maybe their stuff will be waiting for them at the inn where they got drunk last night. Certainly does give some interesting options.

Note - Some players will complain that their character wasn't drinking that much and that they should have got a saving throw. If you have troublesome players like that in the group ask them to roll 3 d20s at various intervals and pretend to consult a chart. Then ask them to roll percentile dice twice and make groaning sounds as you pretend to read the chart. Honestly, the things you have to do to make players loosen up and have some fun once in awhile...

2nd Note - The Tomb of Horrors has some teleporters in it that takes peoples clothes/belongings away during the teleportation process. I love that part. Best part of the whole adventure. That and the gem that provides a wish... ;)

3rd Note - Introduce the party to a tribe of nudists and have them take part in a traditional ceremony, which means no clothes but weapons are okay. Maybe even a Vulcan-esque marriage combat and you could play Star Trek fight scene music in the background... Have fun!

#5. Public Speaking Vs Rotten Tomatoes

Sometimes characters like to make speeches, often the one time that they try to use their Charisma in order to get a crowd to go in their favour. If they use their Charisma often and wisely, and through roleplaying, I don't have a problem with that, but if they try to do it as a gimmick only to get out of trouble for getting caught doing something nefarious then I recommend having a penalty for speaking to an angry crowd and give that angry crowd some rotten food. Rotten tomatoes, rotten onions, old potatoes, basically any kind of rotten vegetables will do.

In the words of Penguin in Batman Returns, "Why is there always someone who brings eggs and tomatoes to a speech?"